full
empty

and there was nothing.
nothing left in the end.


introduction
confession

zishing
04-12-1992
no preferences
nothing particular.
the place people come to for help.
and that's about it.


out
in

AB
AiPing
Amos
Andy
Baka-Tsuki
Caroline
ChinHian
Dom
De-Coder's Cafe a.k.a.Yap
Hisyam
JingSheng
LeeYang
Kee
Leonard
LiJie
MarcusChan
Matilda
Max
MelWeh
RongRong
RuiFen
Sarah
SiHui
Stewart
Sumo
Valerie
Zak


past
present

August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 May 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 February 2011 April 2011 September 2011 November 2011

thank
request

designer: frozen.d}
resources: x


help
(Monday, October 11, 2010/9:05 PM)

stop being such a selfish bastard.

all i can think about is you.
this is not good.
not good at all.

i put on a confident front.
look as if i'm fine and ready to help everyone else.
now i'm crumbling at my own unstable emotions.

why are you so kind to me.
this kindness which i don't think i deserve.
yet it's what i yearn now.

far more than anything.

i thought everything was cleared and fine.
lying in wait for when the real thing would start.
yet i can't even wait one day without feeling like i'm going to break.

and it's obvious that i have brought this upon myself.
so i will suffer for it.
but i can't take this much longer.

as pathetic as it seems.
it looks like i haven't learnt my lesson.
stuck in square one.

you say sometimes you're in need of salvation.
and i'll tell you.
you have long become mine.

and i can't do without you.
i want to get over this childish attitude.
even with a bit of hope at the end i may be disappointed.

and i don't want to scream when that happens.
so i have to get over this now.
not to leave you behind, but to stop myself from obsessing about you.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
i can't even take a day of that.
the more i think of it, the less i feel like continuing this life.

obviously the world is cruel.
and i will live on.
for better, or for worse.

this pain i go through.
the pain i put myself through.
as a consequence of my own selfishness.

i will bear it for you.

for i will stop looking at only myself.
and even if that gives me the false hope that a selfless person will be more deserving of your feelings.
i wish you only happiness.

but i can't give you happiness now.
so i can only deprive you of sadness.
because at least a gray world of confusion and doubt.

is better than a black one.
i can grant you at least that.
so off i go.

because even if it doesn't pay off, it was the right thing to do.